Satire |
Adarsh Nari,
one Ayodhya became the capital
Shaila Salgaonkar woke up a nervous young woman on this
December morning of 1999. It was 5.30 in the morning and her first thoughts on
awakening were to remember that she had to be in the nation’s capital, Ayodhya,
on December 25 for the examination of her life. The annually held
examinations were for the title of ‘Adarsh Nari of the New Order’
(ANONO–Class I), the highest honour that a young woman could achieve in
the new order in India. The examination would be overseen by a deputy of the
leader of the Supreme Council of the Rashtriya Sarbabhauma Sanskar Sabha
(SSS), Gurusreshtha Varadacharya Bramhadev. The Supreme Council was the
body which formulated the constitution and the codes of the New Order. All other
authorities, spiritual or temporal, accepted its suzerainty. Passing of the
ANONO–Class I examination would change her life forever. This is one of The New
Order’s highest honours. There were no more than 50 women who had so qualified. The overt symbol of the honour was a ruby–encrusted gold
bracelet which would be put on her right wrist by a lady nominee of the Supremo
himself, in his august presence in a glittering televised ceremony on the South
courtyard of the Janmabhoomi temple in Ayodhya. The more mundane rewards
included an automatic elevation of herself and her husband Vinay to class I
membership of the BJJP (Bharatiya Jan Jagran Party) which was
constitutionally elected to rule Bharatvarsha in perpetuity. Her
eight–year–old son, Madhu, would get a much–coveted entry into the Adolf Bal
Brigade with scholarships for studies in the best of schools, colleges and
professional institutions. And to cap it all, she would be enrolled in the VIP
quota for a government flat in a posh central district of Bombay. The written part of the examination was tough but that was not a
problem for her — a qualified aeronautical engineer. It is another matter that
the New Order barred women from pursuing such unfeminine professions. The
toughest part was to master the codes of the New Order — to the extent that she
could qualify as a teacher or trainer herself — and to convince her examiners
that she not only practises the codes herself but encourages other women to do
so. The preparations had begun a year earlier. Home training
followed each weekly tutorial class in the local shakha of the Survabhauma
Sangh of Sadhus (SSS) in the observance of the rituals of Sanatan Hindu
Dharma. A series of vandanas appropriate for every day and for every
occasion had to be learnt. There were the food codes, the dress codes, codes for
caste marks, the conversational codes, the codes for interior decoration, and
the codes of personal hygiene and procreative process among others. Once every
month an inspector from the SSS shakha visited her home to see and
certify the progress of the family in the observance of the codes. The SSS hierarchy had merci-fully published a tutorial aid
titled, The Masters Level Manual of The Codes of The New Order which was
a great help to her in her home preparations for her examinations. This morning
she would continue her study of the manual as soon as she finished her morning
chores. By now she could perform her chores according to the codes
almost mechanically. First of all was Swami Vandana which is a short
ritual. She merely had to wipe her sleeping husband’s feet with her tresses and
pray for his life of a hundred years. That done, she washed and bathed and started on her other
morning duties in right earnest. But there were stirrings of a migraine which
had started about six months earlier. She had searched for the cause, consulted
her doctor without any success. She got Vinay and Madhu to complete their wash and bath and join
her in the Surya vandana. Then she arranged breakfast — Paratha,
curds and fruits (Food on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays had to be
vegetarian). By 9 o’clock, Madhu had gone to school and Vinay to office and she
was free at last to start her day’s preparations. She took out the Masters Manual and settled herself
comfortably on the sofa, but the migraine was persistent. She took a couple of
aspirins and as she was washing the tablets down her throat, the telephone rang. "Hi, Sally!" It was her childhood friend, Sushma. But, she had
to shoo her off. "Jai Sri Ram, Sushma, but I am sorry I have to call off
now. Will ring you later." ‘Hi Sally’ indeed! A stupid and irresponsible woman behaving as
if she had a death wish. Sushma knew too well that use of alien forms of Indian
names or greetings was barred under penalty of a minimum of three months in a
Reformation School for each offence. Add to that Sushma’s undisguised contempt
for the sadhus and sants, and she seemed destined for a long
period of incarceration. Yet she vaguely admired Sushma’s guts — the person
closest to her after her own family. The telephone buzzed again. "Jai Sri Ram Shaila", said the same voice but mocking
this time, "but the purpose of this call is merely to tempt my dearest friend to
some fabulous Chicken Xacuti and rice for lunch". "Oh you stupid woman. Do you want to die and drag me along?
Today is Thursday and you’re talking about Chicken Xacuti? Don’t you realise the
telephone may be tapped. Please, Sushma dear, let me tell you for the last time
that I want to live and succeed in the New Order. I wanted to live and succeed
before, too, because I like a challenge and that is why I stormed into the man’s
world and became India’s fifth woman to qualify as an aerospace engineer. At the
same time it’ll break my heart if they took you away. Be sensible." "So you have decided you would rather be an adarsh nari
than an adarsh designer of spacecraft, eh?" "I do, I do, I do, and I don’t care how much you mock", she
shouted angrily and banged the phone down. The migraine was already announcing a
come back. She took a few long breaths and picked up the manual. She got to
the chapter titled ‘The Fundamentals’. It was all in question–answer form. Q: What are the five pillars on which the New Order stands? A: 1. ‘Supremacy of the spiritual over the political order’: The Supreme council of the Sarvabhauma Sanskar Sabha (SSS)
has supremacy over all three political organs of the State, viz. the
legislature, the executive and the judiciary. 2. ‘The principle of Sarva Dharma Sama Bhava’: All the religions of India have equal place under the umbrella
of the Supreme faith, Hindutva. All religious factions have full freedom
to practice their own form of religion as long as they accept the suzerainty of
Hindutva. 3. ‘A constitution based on heritage’: The New Order has broken with the past subservience of our
constitution–makers to western political philosophy, alien to our culture and
heritage. The constitution of the New Order has instead drawn inspiration from
the Vedas, the Upanishads, Ramayana, Mahabharata and
our own glorious history. In a way the real farmers of this constitution are
Vyas, Valmiki, Manu, Kautilya and Chanakya. 4. ‘Unity and Discipline in place of divisiveness and anarchy’: Every major aspect of a citizen’s life — domestic and social
conduct, food, dress, religious rites, education, cultural pursuits — have been
codified in the codes of the New Order which all citizens must and do conform
to. 5. ‘True Democracy’: Ours is a government of the Hindus, by the Hindus and for the
Hindus, which term encompasses all who have embraced Hindutva or for that
matter, all who consider themselves Bharatiya. The New Order does not
discriminate between Hindu Hindus, Buddhist Hindus, Jain Hindus, Islamic Hindus,
Isaai Hindus and Zoroastrian Hindus. She went through a few more chapters, finding for the first time
in her weeks of training that she was not in sync, her mind was straying and
ghosts from the past were reappearing to mock her. She needed a rest she thought
but as she leaned back on the sofa and closed her eyes, she felt the distinct
reappearance of the migraine. What did Sushma say? "So you would rather be an adarsh nari
than an adarsh designer of spacecraft, eh?" She opened her eyes and
thumped her feet. "I don’t care what that silly girl says, I want the honour at
any cost", she shouted at the Ajanta figurine on the wallpaper in front of her. With gritted teeth she got hold of the manual and came to
another crucial part — about a question expected every year. Q: How would you describe a woman of the New Order? A: The woman of the New Order has liberated herself from the
stranglehold of western culture, ethos and lifestyles. She wants an education as
high as she can get, but no longer craves for competing with men in professions
not suited to women. Such subjects as engineering, medicine, business
management, accountancy etc. attract her no more. Her choice has gravitated
towards conventional ‘arts’ subjects with the addition of religion, home
science, nursing and childcare. With education being Indianised and
spiritualised, hers is a complete education. She has learnt enough to be able to
coach her younger children. What is more, she is the spiritual guide to her
entire family — husband, children, younger brothers and sisters. She has
realised that God has created her to bear and rear healthy children for the New
Order. She also knows that when He decides that her time has come, she will go
back to Him on the direct path, via the pyre of her husband, if predeceased. She closed the manual. She felt drained and famished and her
migraine was back with a vengeance. Then her head burst with a frightening
realisation. "Oh God!" she thought, "I am simply not up to it. I cannot pay
the price. I just cannot carry on with this charade of an adarsh nari." A
surge of despair flowed through her spirit and mind. She did not know what it was that propelled her to the kitchen.
Like a woman possessed she went to the gas burner, lowered her face to it,
slowly opening the cock. Images of Vinay and Madhu floated past and then there
was Sushma still mocking at her, "So you’re that woman so good at accepting
challenges!" She quickly lifted her face from the gas burner, shut the cock
and went to the window to take a few deep breaths. "Oh, even the Bombay air is
so sweet", she thought. Then, with a few determined strides she went back to the
sitting room, picked up the manual and threw it into the kitchen trash bin. She picked up the phone and dialled. Sushma answered. "Hi Susie", she said, "didn’t you mention some gorgeous Chicken
Xacuti for lunch? Is the offer still on?" "Wait a moment Shaila. Wait just a moment. ‘Hi Susie’! Chicken
Xacuti on a Thursday! Am I hearing right? I’m a gone case, but you? What about
the Codes?" asked Sushma. "To hell with the codes, to hell with the SSS, to hell with
Varadacharya and to hell with adarsh nari... I’m hungry", Shaila
replied. "You’re on, my dear Sally. Get here as soon as you can". "Just let me dig out a pair of jeans and a T–shirt and I hope
I’ll fit into them. You just make sure the rice and the Xacuti are hot when I
get there". Asim Majumdar (This piece is an updated version of a similar article by the
writer published by the Amrita Bazar Patrika in 1994)
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